Thursday, February 28, 2013

February 2013 -- Random Likes Pt. 2

The Month of February is coming to an end, and I have a few pics of fashion, celebs, household items, inspiring quotes and any other cool stuff that I like...I put it right here in Random Likes post :)

~ My Random Likes ~

Jewelry, Make Up & Beauty Stuff


Cool Celebs

House Hold Finds

Tasty Treats

Words Of Encouragements / Quotes

February 2013 -- Personal Blog Post 6

Untangling My Life

I am here at home for the first time in a long while (about three months) on-line! I have been using the space downstairs which is a combination meditation-wellness-tai chi center. I know that sounds a little out there, but it be. 

But a lot has to say about having my privacy back. I kinda went over board and stayed up on line later than I wanted to last night though, which is not good for my insomnia. I even got up earlier and jumped back on line. I am having some downloading problems with YouTube. Which sucks. Hopefully it will resolve it self soon like it usually does. 

It is really all thanks to my mom that i got my internet back at my home. I am so incredibly grateful for what she did for me, I can't even explain. But I am working my ass off to get my life together so that all the wonderful things she does, not only for me, but for so many other people...doesn't get wasted. 

It is fucking hard to get my life together, because I have struggled with mental illness and i have realized for the past eight or nine years I have been getting shitty help for it from my therapist (she on the other hand.. is great though, honestly. In another life time I would love to be her friend or her daughter. Her methods to helping me with my issues are shitty. NOT her.

So now I am on the verge of recovery sort-a-say. 

But I don't even know if the things that I am doing is going to work permanently... all i can do is try. I really have nothing to lose and nothing but time. But having "the illness" i sometimes feel it is not good enough what i am doing and i am wasting my time trying to "save" myself. But I got to and want to keep on trying. My passion for life and my mom believing in me keeps telling me to go on..keep it up...I'm doing a pretty good job. I have picked my self off of the floor so many times though, that it feels like maybe that is just my thing. I don't want it to be. i do feel more balanced lately, i guess. Although i DO have to remember to breath and rest SO many points of the day.

I still have to see my therapist though... i have taken a hiatus from her. It doesn't seem to faze her, which is part of the problem. she never helped me with any of my weight, social, clutter, verbal, or family issues. But it isn't cause she doesn't care she just doesn't know how to i think. I need to do the work to change, I need help but I feel that she is not the person to help me with that. I know it is a personal thing and should be doing it on my own, but it is not like she is some stranger from off the street. she is my therapist who gets paid a butt load of money , i am guessing, to help me.... not sit across from me talking endlessly. I guess these "personal blogs" have taken her place whether someone reads them or not. i need to figure things out and this seem to be helping a bit. 

I literally don't know how this entry went from one subject to a totally different one...but I guess that is the beauty of blogs, at least this's not an essay to be graded by someone. I started this blog (and youtube channel and pinterest) to express my self. I might have mentioned that i have been abandoned my the closest people in my life, leaving me doubting every part of my existence. My life, mind, body, soul and mind have been shattered on so many occasions, that it is ridiculous. So I am just doing my best to learn to cope with life that has kick my ass.

It is too soon to say whether or not i will "recover", really. If I will wake up one day a totally confident women, going on dates and have a family...oh how i would love kids!.....I kinda want those things but being in this saving my self mode makes having those things seem like it is for people other than me. It is not my goal to bag a man, but to get healthy at this point in my life. It has been for over a decade though which kind of worries me if this is my life and that is all there is for me. I'm learning to keep doing the things i love (even if it is when i am by myself) and not let those worried bog me down. Here is hoping!

Peace and Love,

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

February 2013 -- Personal Blog Post 5

Weekend Of Movies

Tuesday, two days after the 2013 Academy Awards also known as the Oscars. I did in fact watch Sunday night's Oscars which ran four freaking hours. It started around 7:30 p.m., which I thought was pretty silly.

Some of my favorite highlights was watching Channing Tatum ballroom dance with Charlise Throne, the dedication to musicals, and Jennifer Hudson singing a song from Dream Girls. I think Seth McFarland who hosted is cute and has a great presentors voice. But I don't think he was the right guy to host something so classy as the Oscars. He should stick to his extremely raunchy animated comedies ( my favorite is American Dad). But still, it was a great achievement of his to accomplish!

So those are just some of my thoughts of the 2013 Oscars. It was bitter sweet watching it though because most of the movies being nominated if not all of them, I didn't see because of the lack of money or because of my HSP/arga-phobia/social anxity. But like I mentioned in my previous blog, I am working on that. I especially would like to see Silver Linings Play book one day in which Jennifer Lawernce won an Oscar for. Cutie Pie Bradley Cooper who was so good (and hot) in The Words. I wonder why that movie didn't get a nod?

Speaking of the movies...I did go to the movies with my mom the previous day of the Oscars to see "Snitch" & "Its A Good Day...To Die Hard". Both which were my ma's picks. It was a wonderful opportunity for me to practice being out and about and to spend quality time with my mom and not let her jabs get to me. Jabs like: you need a new bra, I am just trying to help you. All in public!! As if I dont have other factors to worry about then soggy breasts. i have two is for working out and one for everyday tom-foolery aka the soggy bra. but her words just slid off of me like teflon...cause I was boozed up like a skunk in heat...(huh? . So that is my new secret weapon cheap booze, when I am out with ma. It makes what she says and does all good.

So the first Movie Snitch was one of those drug bust movies. I can't stand those type of movies! So immediatly I was turned off to it. I took one of my many breaks and when I came back, I watched the rest of the movie and it actually started to get good. The movies stars former wrestler The Rock and he plays a father of a teenage son who gets busted for dealing drugs through the mail. Even though it was his first offense, he went to jail and could get up to ten years in prison for his drug crime. I was thought, yeah he should go to jail! but ten years is a long time for a first time offender. so in order for the dad to help his son get a lesser sentence, he had to become a snitch him self and help the DEA take down some pretty dangerous drug dealers. It sounds so far fetched but apparently it is based on a true story. The mood of the film was pretty serious compared to the Die Hard movie.

I did kinda want to want to watch the Die Hard movie. There was some major eye candy going on with the guy who played Bruce Willis's son / Jai Courney Pic down below :) He is from Australia which means he has a sexy accent :) /

Now I am just hanging out listening to some Nina Simone. I like to belt her songs, it gets deep down in my soul :). I hope to have a good rest of the week as February comes to an end.

Peace and love,

Cutie Pie Alert! :)

                     Jai Courney

                  Bradley Cooper

Sunday, February 24, 2013